Today, I was very happy and bubbly and energetic just like I usually am. Then, an unfortunate incident occured that put a little damper on my spirits (good thing it's the end of the day so it won't affect the rest of it.)
First, I need to explain a little something. I see myself as an artist, not like a specific artist like a painter or anything, but an artist of many talents. I write, paint, sketch, draw, use various mediums, the whole nine yards. Well, to be fair, I'm a Poet artist. I'm a poet first and foremost, then an artist in many senses of the word.
So, today - well, now that I think about it, it's been an ongoing thing for a while - someone close to me, whom I view as a great artist and a great inspiration, discredited me as an artist. Here's how it went... *coolie flashback vortex*
We're sitting around the table, a friend that we just met sitting beside us. We're still getting to know this guy so he says to us, "Which one of you is the artist?"
My someone-that-is-close-to-me immediately says, "I am."
Come on, let's be fair we're both artists, I put in.
"No, I am." then she proceedes to talk to this friend about her art and blah blah blah.
*coolie vortex ends*
I'm left there, feeling put down and discredited and....I don't know how to describe it. It's like telling someone they can't be who they are, they can't be short or can't be a woman. I already knew this person doesn't respect me as an artist and that was fine (she respects me as a writer, but not an artist), but to totally bash me like that was...cruel. No matter how good my work is, no matter how hard I try, she can't see me as an equal. I see now that I've never shown my work to anybody because if she can't respect my art, how can others? If the one person I trust everything to can't accept me and be my equal, then how can I let myself be exposed to others?
Maybe I just think too highly of this person's approval. I don't need approval from anyone to be who I am and to vent my creativity....
It still hurts.