The Woes of a Misunderstood Artist

Today, I was very happy and bubbly and energetic just like I usually am. Then, an unfortunate incident occured that put a little damper on my spirits (good thing it's the end of the day so it won't affect the rest of it.)

First, I need to explain a little something. I see myself as an artist, not like a specific artist like a painter or anything, but an artist of many talents. I write, paint, sketch, draw, use various mediums, the whole nine yards. Well, to be fair, I'm a Poet artist. I'm a poet first and foremost, then an artist in many senses of the word.

So, today - well, now that I think about it, it's been an ongoing thing for a while - someone close to me, whom I view as a great artist and a great inspiration, discredited me as an artist. Here's how it went... *coolie flashback vortex*

We're sitting around the table, a friend that we just met sitting beside us. We're still getting to know this guy so he says to us, "Which one of you is the artist?"
My someone-that-is-close-to-me immediately says, "I am."
Come on, let's be fair we're both artists, I put in.
"No, I am." then she proceedes to talk to this friend about her art and blah blah blah.

*coolie vortex ends*

I'm left there, feeling put down and discredited and....I don't know how to describe it. It's like telling someone they can't be who they are, they can't be short or can't be a woman. I already knew this person doesn't respect me as an artist and that was fine (she respects me as a writer, but not an artist), but to totally bash me like that was...cruel. No matter how good my work is, no matter how hard I try, she can't see me as an equal. I see now that I've never shown my work to anybody because if she can't respect my art, how can others? If the one person I trust everything to can't accept me and be my equal, then how can I let myself be exposed to others?

Maybe I just think too highly of this person's approval. I don't need approval from anyone to be who I am and to vent my creativity....

....

It still hurts.

Digital Get Down

Ok, so I'm kind of prejudice when it comes to art. I don't like digital art, to me, it just seems like it doesn't take true talent to make, same with abstract. Well, I took some pictures and experimented with some digital effects and stuff. It's not as easy as I thought! While I still prefer traditional art, digital art isn't so much a taboo thing anymore.

Here are a few pictures I touched up/altered on the computer. (I took the pictures first then messed around with them.)

This one is called Violets are Blue. It was actually very complicated to make this picture. I wanted the floweres to be a really strong blue, but then they took away from the rest of it. To fix that, I cut the leaves and the grassy part in the corners and put them on a new layer so that I could sharpen their color without changing anything else. Then I had to soften the reds a little in the top corner. Part of the rocks ended up on a different layer so that I could move the leaves around. I finally got it all together, just the right hues and everything. Va-la!

This one is Star of the Show. Really all I did to this picture was tone down the orange (the light when I took the picture made it look very very orange) and take out my palm from the background. Oh yeah, I also cropped it and took out the other half of the apple so it was more balanced.

Fountain of Stars. I just adjusted the contrast so that the trees were really dark and the water was brighter. I toyed with the idea of somehow putting shooting stars coming out of the water like droplets of water, but I figured it looked good like this (and it was too complicated to figure out XD.)

Life is a Balancing Act. This one is the most drastically changed and digitalized. I took a picture of my foot on a cement ball that we have in our drive way. Then, I edited out the ball and put the Earth in its place. I didn't intend for the background to end up like that, but I was messing around with renderings and stumbled upon this one that I thought looked cool. After it rendered though, I had to move it around and change the radius so that it was behind the Earth and looked like it was...well how it is.

Maybe I Just Think Too Much

As I'm sitting here, contemplating nothing in particular as I'm waiting to start cooking Thanksgiving dinner, I start thinking about Josh (the guy from the shoppette that proclaimed his love for me.) He's come into the shoppette every day for the past...two weeks or so and he always comes to my line and we flirt as I ring up his stuff and he leaves.

But I don't get it? What is the purpose of flirting? He comes in, we flirt, I smile and act all smexy and like I'm totally in to him....but then he leaves and I go back to work. What is the point? We didn't get anywhere and while he's convinced he's in love with me, I only know his name....and that's not even because he told it to me. I had to eavesdrop to become privy to that knowledge.

Cooking, on the other hand, is something I understand. I'm proud to report that both carrot cakes and one banana bread loaf turned out perfect! This after two failed attempts at making ginger bread and pumkin bread, (The failure was NOT due to my faulty cooking; the stupid oven, come to find out, is not heating properly. I know, what a nice surprise for Thanksgiving Day. XD) and dumping one banana bread all over the floor. Stupid chair got in my way.

*Shrug* oh well, I'll just go back to basting my turkey and be content with that....for now.

If we don't eat turkey, do we call it Ham Day?

Happy Thanksgiving!

You can probably guess what this blog is going to be about: what I'm thankful for....well, you're right, so let's just get down to it.

First, I'm thankful for my kids. They are so cute and so sweet and I would rather eat them than a turkey. Andrew a few weeks ago answered a question in Primary (I don't remember the question) with a very self-assured "Yeah, but I'm complicated." Then when asked what is something that is bad for our bodies, Raven replied with a very serious "Don't eat ants." I can safely say that he gives very good advice and I will not allow these tiny black creatures to grace my table ever again. And of course, there's Analena who was in the hospital recently but was cured by the help of Ice, my magical bear that stayed with her while she was sick. Lauren, she's so dang cute, sang at the top of her lungs during the Primary program so that her mom - and everyone else in the chapel - could hear her...me sitting next to her egging her on probably wasn't the best thing to do. Of course, then we have Savannah who is the cutest little thing ever! She is always happy to see me and sits on my lap every week. Giovanni, the little ninja man, is very proud to be four and he'll let you know it too. And we can't forget David who is very sweet and such a good older brother. They are all so adorable, I love them all and they make it worth going to church every Sunday.

Next, I am thankful for my education. There are way too many people that go through life without caring if they know the difference between there and their, how to add fractions, or even something as simple as doing the laundry. I may not be up with all the fads and the latest "in" thing but at least I can walk out of my house in the morning and be able to carry on decent conversations with complete sentances and proper grammer. I'm not going to be completely dependant on a calculator or computer to do my work for me, heaven for bid we ever had a Handmaid's Tale moment. I'm also thankful that I've been raised right, with respect, dignity and moral values. There are enough loose men and women walking around, enough middle school snots that are rude and disrespectful, I can only thank heaven (and my parents of course) for raising me better than that.

I'm thankful for true friends, not the ones you talk to out of convenience but the ones that stick to you no matter what, even if thousands of miles of earth and ocean seperate you. Without my true friends, I know I wouldn't have gotten this far in life, not that I would have done anything drastic, but I would still be that quiet, shy girl that everyone would use for their own gain. My friends pushed me to get my own opinion, to defend myself, to not let people walk all over me. They helped me see that I am a person and I have every right to be a person.

Now, I'm thankful for being a woman. I'm a smexy, curvy, beautiful woman. Those skinny, skanky wannabe girls can just go to Hell because that's all they are, fake, wannabe, girls. I am a woman and more women in the world should be proud of who they are. I'm not going to let someone else tell me what a woman is supposed to be or look like. I'm thankful for the way I am and gosh dang it, I'm too smexy to worry about what others think. So, here's to all the smexy, beautiful, real women in the world. Live it up ladies, because it doesn't get any better than this. And just think, it could be worse, we could be men.

Of course, I'm also thankful for my family, Mom, Dad, Aimee and Kaitlyn, they are just as awesome as me and I couldn't ask for anything better. I'm thankful for my grandparents, I love them and miss them sooooo bad. I'm thankful for my talents and for living here in Italy. I'm thankful for.....well let's just cut this short and say everything that I've been given. And of course, I'm thankful for my monkies. Because it just isn't life without my monkies.

Wendy Eubank

Good morning ladies and gentleman, this is your Aviano weatherwoman, Wendy Eubank, reporting live and in the white coat today. That's right folks, the white coat is out of the closet and would you look outside.

That's right, you see it folks, there is SNOW in Aviano, Italy this morning. Temperatures are done near 32 degrees though I was so excited about the state of the atmosphere when I went outside this morning, it didn't feel that cold.

Now, this is truely a wonderful thing folks, for I have been deprived of snow for a very long two years and given the fact that snow is just the most wonderful thing ever, you can see how I've been suffering without it.

Well, folks, if you take a gander out the window, it seems to be picking up though it is nothing like the snowfall you see in Utah. In fact, this is projected to be one of the coldest winters in Aviano in then years. If this snow continues, they are likely to close the Base for the rest of the day (which is good because then I won't have to go to work.)

That's all I have for your weather happenings right now Again, this has been Wendy Eubank with your Aviano weather news. Back to you Matt.

Fugliness of *Daniel

You know when you see those babies that are just so ugly you can't help but laugh? Well, I know such a baby, and I have to say, just when I thought he couldn't get any uglier....

I was sitting there at the *shoppette and looked over to see a baby, with his back to me opening a door. The door was not supposed to be open at this time, so a woman pushed it closed. The baby, whom I know to be *Daniel, started crying. His father stood up and went over to pick him up and take him back to the *cart and as he picked him up little Daniel's face turned towar me and....HOLY CRAP! I thought to myself, I didn't think that kid could get any uglier! He's fugly!!!

And then, I had to hold in my fit of laughter because the timing was really bad and I shouldn't have been laughing. As I was thinking about this fugly baby, I was reminded of a scene from the end of Ghostbusters II when Vigo is in the painting and the Ghostbusters are getting ready to finish him off, his face contorts and winkles. This, sadly enough, is what the baby looked like. So when I got home from work, I got on the internet and prepared a picture, so that others may see the fugliness of Daniel.

* All names and places have been changed to protect the feelings of the poor fugly child's parents.

Do the Trick or Treat

This year for Halloween, I dressed up as a mime! I had to work, then right after work I had the Primary Halloween party, so I just dressed up for work as well so that I could go right to the party.

Since I was a mime, I didn't talk at work (as much as possible seeing as I work customer service and had to answer the phone sometimes.) I would point to the total rather than tell people and just nod and make gestures. Some people thought I was someone for Kiss...LAME! No imagination, people. But they would figure it out when I wouldn't tell them their total. Some of the airmen tried to get me to talk, but I didn't!

The Primary activity was so much fun! I manned the "Bob for Donuts" station with the help of one of the Abbot boys...I can never remember his name. It was so much fun to see all my Primary kids dressed up, and of course they were the cutest ones! XP Andrew was a frog, Savannah a Lady Bug but her costume was so hot, she only wore it when she was going through Trick or Treating, Giovanni was the Black Spiderman, Raven the Phantom of the Opera (Yeah Raven!!), Lauren was Sleeping Beauty, Analena was Cinderella, and David was Batman. The most awesome costume, though, had to go to Alex in her Book of Mormon costume that she forgot to put arm holes in. Her brother stood behind her for the picture and was her arms. XD

I had to rush home though after that was done, because we also had a Young Single Adult activity at our house. No one showed up for the Young Single Adult activity though, it was just me and Aimee...which if you think about isn't too bad. With Vaughn out of town, that left two-thirds of the active single adults there at the activity. I had fun all the same. After I got all my make up off, which took twenty friggin' minutes of intense scrubbing (my face Hurt!), we watched scary movies until midnight or so. I had work the next morning, so we didn't go as long as we could have.

Celibacy and The Totally Hot Guys That Come With

In honor of my awesomest cousin MaKayla, I am taking a vow of celibacy....celibacy against soda. No longer will I partake of the most wicked sin of the soda drinking or covet this highly-caffinated drink. Instead I am turning to the new fad of coveting the veggies and the fruits. Given my family medical history, I can only benifit from this and save myself a whole lot of medical bills in the future. Plus, I love my cousin and want to support her. I friggin' love you MaKie!!!

Now, to fill all ya'll in on some things...there's this really cute guy that works at the clinic and he comes into the shoppette all the time. He's absolutely GORGEOUS!!! His eyes are the most clear, most adorable blue....no, to call them blue is a disgrace, they are...I don't even know the word for it. Anyway, when ever he sees me, he's like "Hey Wendy!" and I feel kind of bad because I don't know what his name is.
So, when he came into the shoppette the other day, as he was leaving (after we had chatted for a little while) I shouted after him "Hey! I have a question!"
He comes back all cool and suave and says, "Yeah?"
"What's your first name?" XDDDD yeah, cuz I can be just as suave as him.
Then of course, he mantains his savy and replies, "Richard, but my friends call me Rich so you can call me Rich."
Yeah buddy, I just got a new best friend. I want to sketch him, that's all there is to it.

Then there's the other guy. He came in a few weeks ago and declares his love for me before leaving....without a name or a date or anything. Well, he came in and being the little eavesdropper that I am, I found out his name is Josh....and even though he asked me if I was going to where ever the heck he was talking about, Mr. Hanks or Franks or something or other, I still don't have a date.

Spin Circles for Me

Haha! I have finished my newest painting which was done on a shingle, in the fashion of Italian painters. It's nothing fancy, just a basic acrylic landscape thing. I call it Spin Circles for Me.

High Heels = Torture Device (I don't care how good it makes your legs look)

Ugh!!! My feet hurt so bad! Why in the world do we as women wish to put ourselves through so much torture and agony? Yeah, my legs looked good but holy crap I was in pain, I was cranky. No more! I won't wear nice, high shoes to work anymore! It was a stupid idea in the first place, I only did it to look good for a guy and he didn't even come into the shoppette today.

I read in the Stars and Stripes that there was a walk for the prevention of violence against women (sex crimes and abuse) and the men in the walk wore high heels. Now that's more like it. They want us to look good in high heels and dress all nice and pretty, well it's not as easy as it looks and it's a lot more painful than whatever it is that guys do, football or whatever.

I'm not going to dress all nice tomorrow. I'll wear my nice comfy tennis shoes and good blouse, do my hair simply nothing fancy. Of course now that I'm going to do that you know he'll come in. But at least I won't be cranky and in pain. I'll be able to flirt without grimacing everytime I shift my weight.

And that's what's important, being friendly and being able to flirt, none of this look-as-good-as-the-customer-service-ladies; it's way too painful.

Other than that, it was a good day. I finally got one of my scholarship checks so I can pay for the next terms classes....now I just have to decide which classes to take....

Sunset on Wall Street

(I finally decided on a title for this poem so it can now be reveled to the public. Enjoy.)

Sunset on Wall Street

Bring me the sunset in a tea cup
And I will give you Wall Street in a can.
We'll sit on a dingy and reminisce
Dream of things that have passed,
Createe for ourselves a future-
If ever we get off the dingy.

I'll make a raft of hair for you
If you cry the ocean for me.
We'll make it off this dingy
Together.
For I cannot cry and you have no hair.

Then we'll share a dish of life
Grow old, watch teh sun drip across the sky
Until the last drop falls to the tea cup
And winks as the light goes out.

--Wendy Holloway (Oct 2008)

Fast Cars, Freedom...Finals

Ok, so I actually have a blog on myspace but since not everyone has one, I caved and added one more thing to my list of usernames and passwords. Y'all better be thankful. XD

Today was the first day of Finals for my math class. It was supposed to be a two day test, but I finished early and my professor let me take the second half. It was pretty easy, most of the stuff that we've been learning in the class I learned in seventh grade. The college made me take it anyway. The hardest thing in the class was the chapter on Statistics: the one thing I can't do in math. Sure, give me Calculus, Trig, anything and I'll give you the right answer....give me statistics and I'll give you a funny look and find something else better to do with my time. Anyway, I'm done with that class now, I just have to check online every so often to make sure that I pass (not that I'm worried, I could fail the final and still pass.)

I'm not sure what classes I'll take next semester, probably some kind of writing class or something that I actually find interesting so that I don't feel like I'm wasting my time when I go to class.

So, I've been really hitting my Spanish hard and it's finally clicking. I've been reading the Book of Mormon in Spanish and I can actually understand as I read rather than having to go back and translate everything. There are a few things that I still have to look up but I'm finally getting a hang on the language. Thus my reason for putting learning Italian and German on hold for a while, though I'm still practicing Sign Language everyday.

...Which is kinda cool because I feel that I can actually say that I'm trilingual...not perfectly fluent in the languages but I can get by and I think that's good enough to qualify for trilinguality....if that makes any sense.

Well, I'm getting sleepy so buenos noches chicos!